Australis' patented "Clean Up".

I never thought I would say this, but the therapeutic effect of cleaning one's living space to within an inch of its life should never be underestimated.

The satisfaction of being able to completely control just one aspect of one's life when most of the others bear an amazing resemblance to a horrifically spectacular car crash is very comforting.

For your reference, here are the last ten days in the world of Australis in a nutshell (and yes, I have Austin Powers in my head at the moment):

- a Friday night house party which resulted in me being on the receiving end of a friend's decision to communicate his frustration in an alcohol-fuelled violent display at 5am (not the first time this has happened). Don't worry: I'm fine - no injuries here.

- farewelling a good friend who moved to Turkey for six months on Sunday.

- a phone call home in which I learned that one of my mum's colleagues - also a very good friend of hers - had lost her fight with bone and liver cancer, and that my grandfather had yet again been hospitalised (fourth time for 2009).

- an appointment at the German Immigration Department bright and way too early on Monday to apply for my visa, only to be told to fill out three more forms and bring them in on Thursday, with a copy of my university degrees, at least three references, biometric passport photos, and 10 other documents proving that I do indeed exist and that I am who I say I am. Gotta love the Germans and their bureaucracy. There is most definitely going to be a blog post on German red tape when I get my visa.

- an intense heart-to-heart on Monday evening with the aforementioned friend from the house party about the two violent episodes and where our friendship goes from here.

- a throat infection which resulted in me not being able to speak at all for four days and forcing me to communicate via hand gestures, facial expressions, Skype and a notebook.

- another appointment at the German Immigration Department on Thursday morning in which I handed over half the Amazon rainforest in the form of neatly-filled-out visa and work permit application forms and received the response "it may take up to two months to be processed". Brilliant. Just great.

- as if all that wasn't enough, a browse of the online news revealed that Australia was being ravaged by all manner of natural disasters. What is with that at the moment? Fires, floods, oil slicks, cyclones, earthquakes, landslides as a result of the earthquakes - all that's left is a volcanic eruption... wait, no, even that has also been taken care of! We're only missing the tidal wave for the whole set! Note: Mother Nature, this is not a challenge!!! :)

Given all this happened within the space of a week, on top of a friend visiting from out of town, I was indeed in a state which might best be described as "interesting" by evening of Sunday the 15th of March.

I have various possible plans of action for dealing with such a frazzled state of mind as this.

A good long walk - preferably in a park or along the beach - is usually the first step. Unfortunately it was raining, and I was loath to prolong my throat infection for any longer than absolutely necessary.

Ok, so I scroll down the list to number two. Ooh - one of my favourites! Rock music therapy: create a "Rock Out!" playlist on WinAmp, crank up the volume and sing along to my favourite artists - Jimmy Eat World, Green Day, AC/DC, The Offspring, The Living End and OkGo! among others... Slight problem - no voice. It would also be really inconsiderate of me concering my flatmates, one of whom was still recovering from a serious hangover from the previous night and the other of whom is currently working on a major assessment piece for his university film studies program.

So we come to number three on the list - a sure fire certainty as far as therapy goes. It also involves some serious effort, which ensures I get a decent night's sleep, and there are added benefits in the form of an impeccably clean living space!

#3 on my list of strategies for dealing with Australis in a state which might best be described as "interesting" = The Clean Up. Doesn't sound all that special to you?
Read on.

"The Clean Up" is not just putting stuff back where it belongs though. That I can do any old time. No, "The Clean Up" is the housekeeping equivalent of "The Full Monty".

And this is how it goes.

Step 1 - the basics. Putting stuff back where it belongs, sorting out the junk which had accumulated on my desk/on shelves in front of the stuff that actually belongs there/on my sofa/hanging from the handlebars of my bike/on the area around my loft bed, etc, over an unknown number of days (I'm not quite bad enough to have to add "weeks" to that), and most definitely putting on a load of washing. The small stuff. Lots of small stuff.

Second - the fun part. Here come the big guns. Step #2 = The Vacuum Cleaner.

I love vacuuming. I love the sound. I love the current of warm, clean air. I love doing some actual work to make my space clean and liveable again. I love the smell of a room which has just been vacuumed.

After all that has been achieved, we move on to the final phase.

Step #3 = The Post-Clean Chillax.

The entire effect of the clean living space is then completed by having a long hot shower, lighting a few candles and some Nag Champa incense, opening a window and curling up on the sofabed with a cuppa and a good book, and revelling in the cleanliness and the amazing effects, both internal and external, of Australis' patented "Clean Up", possibly the best ever plan of action for rescuing a weekend (or in my case, a ten-day period) which for all intents and purposes, was quite honestly $!#@.